Lynxstep

Fawnpaw and I were just outside of ConiferousClan's camp one day. It was bright and sunny, and Fawnpaw wanted to climb the oak tree.

Wingside had followed us out and was watching us as we scrambled up the branches. I followed slowly after Fawnpaw, more reluctant than she was. Climbing wasn't much of my thing.

After making it about halfway up, I finally had to stop. My legs were beginning to shake, and I had to grip tightly to the branch in order to hold myself up.

Fawnpaw mewed something down to me, but I was unable to understand what she said, so I called out for her to come down the tree some. I saw her sigh as she bounced back down towards me.

She reached the branch just above me before leaping onto my branch. She jounced the limb as she landed, and I let out a squeal as I tumbled to the ground. Wingside called out to me as I fell, but I barely noticed in my terror.

Pain shot through my leg, and it hurt so bad that I was unable to move. My vision began to fade as I saw Fawnpaw leap down beside me, her eyes wide, and I felt my body being lifted by Wingside.

I spent the next moon laying in the medic den and wondering whether or not I would ever become a warrior. Thankfully, Berrylight kept me occupied by teaching me herbs, and I was able to return to being a warrior apprentice.

I had sent Brownpaw to hunt on her own. She was coming along well, and I was proud of her. Her leg had strengthened with all of the swimming I had asked her to do, and I knew she would make a fabulous warrior when it came time.

I had let her go off for a while before following her trail, but I could tell she was headed towards the full moon gathering space, so I took a shortcut, weaving between the trees.

I caught Brownpaw's scent and skidded to a halt, but there was another familiar scent. I wanted to know what Fang was doing here, especially near my apprentice's training.

Shaking my head, I continued following Brownpaw's scent trail. My eyes widened in horror when I spotted her.

My apprentice lay in the center of the clearing. Her neck was ripped open, and she was bleeding profusely. I pressed my paws onto her wound; there was no time for me to fetch a medicine cat or cobwebs.

Within a few heartbeats, my paws were soaked with blood, and Brownpaw's breathing was getting shallower. Brownpaw opened her yellow eyes for a moment, gazing up at me. I opened my jaws to say my last words to her, but her eyes closed, and she fell limp.

I practically collapsed, curling my body around her. I gently licked the top of Brownpaw's head as the shock of her death began to absorb me.

There was a rustle in the bushes, and I half expected Fang to attack me next, but I couldn't move from where I was.

Sagestorm and Fawngaze emerged from the bushes, their purring cut short when they saw me huddled next to Brownpaw. They rushed over, my sister offering me comfort while Sagestorm asked who had who this.

My answer was only a grunt of Fang's name. Fawngaze and Sagestorm sat on each side of me for a little while before they helped me to get Brownpaw's body back to camp where we buried her.

"Lynxstep, can I ask you something?" I heard the familiar voice ask. I turned to Pinetree and nodded.

Pinetree came closer and sat, gesturing with his tail for me to do the same. "Will you... Will you be my mate?"

I looked at him, eyes widening. I hadn't expected for him to ask something like this. I'd been thinking of him as a close friend. I did enjoy spending time with him and Squirrelkit. My mind quickly ran through the past events.

"I- I mean- I'll give it a try, but I don't know. Let's take it slow," I replied, voice unsteady. I'd never been asked to be someone's mate, and I had never really thought about it, either.

Over the next few days, it felt to me as if interactions with Pinetree had become a bit awkward. He seemed to be head-over-heels for me, but I wasn't feeling the same way. I felt like he was only a friend; a good friend, but just a friend. I felt like I needed to tell him sooner rather than later.

In the warriors' den, I pulled him aside, making sure nobody was around to listen. "Pinetree," I began, "I need to talk to you."

His eyes filled with worry, and he replied, "Yes? What is it? Is there something wrong?"

I felt as if what I was about to do would really hurt him. He'd been so caring, but he wasn't the tom for me. "Look..." I sighed. "This isn't working for me." I closed my eyes, almost afraid to see what his reaction would be.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean us. It-" I stammered, trying to find the right words. "I don't love you."

"But- But Lynxstep..."

"I'm really sorry, Pinetree," I murmured, guilt immediately washing over me.

Without another word, Pinetree got up and left the den, and I was left alone. I sighed. That had turned out more difficult than I thought it would be, and my head was spinning.

It hadn't felt like I'd been alone for that long when Fawngaze came into the den. "He-" she cut herself short when she saw me. "Is there something wrong?"

"I told Pinetree that it wasn't working. He seemed pretty upset about it," I murmured.

In that instant, Heronfeather stormed into the den. "What was that all about? What you did to Pinetree was wrong!"

"I didn't want to hurt him," I replied quietly. "Surely you understand that."

"Well you did!"

Fawngaze stepped between Heronfeather and me in a defensive position. "She did what was right for her, Heronfeather."

"She's selfish," Heronfeather hissed.

My head hurt, and I lowered my ears, blocking out the rest of the argument. Heronfeather finally left, and I looked at Fawngaze sorrowfully. "Have I made a mistake?"

"Did you love him?" Fawngaze asked in reply.

I sighed. "I don't even know what love is."

"You didn't do anything wrong, then," Fawngaze pressed herself comfortingly against me.